backtoschool

Student Who Says “Only Ten More Months Until Summer” Beaten Senseless by Teachers

Freehold, NJ (September 10, 2016) – Alex Wilson, an eighth-grader at Freehold Middle School, was beaten to a pulp by several teachers shortly after the final bell on the first day of school.  Wilson will miss the next four to six weeks of the school year recovering from multiple fractures, bruises and internal bleeding. Wilson, 13, has a long history of getting under his teachers’ and fellow students’ skin. He is the same student that leaves school for Winter Break…

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back to school

Millions Post Facebook Pictures of Miserable, Reluctantly Smiling Children

Morristown, NJ (September 6, 2016) – Facebook news feeds were flooded today with millions of Back to School pictures featuring fashionably dressed girls and boys from Kindergarten to High School.  While nearly all of the photos pictured smiling, happy faces, each child photographed was overcome with the impending doom of ten straight months of homework, overstuffed extra-curricular schedules, and pressure-packed standardized testing. With carefree days at the beach and nights enjoying ice cream on the boardwalk now long in the…


preschool graduation

Recent Pre-School Grad More Celebrated than Harvard Law Valedictorian

Springfield (June 21, 2016) – Graduation ceremonies, school parties, family fiestas, and gifts too many to count.  This has been the life of recent kindergarten graduate Hunter Mancini, 6, of Springfield Learn, Understand, and Thrive (SLUT) pre-school.  Hailed for his incredible dedication to his education, Hunter and his classmates have been enjoying some much needed time off from their grueling three-days-a-week, four-hours-a-day schedule. After an emotional ceremony at the pre-school with parents, grandparents and siblings in attendance, the school hosted…


Picture: DARREN HOWE

Egg Toss Added to 2016 Summer Olympics

Springfield (June 15, 2016) – After months of deliberation, spearheaded by the US Olympic Committee (USOC), the Egg Toss has been named a last minute replacement in this summer’s Olympic Games.  To make room for the new competition, the International Olympic Committee (IOC) has removed Swimming and Track & Field from the original slate of events. After hearing that fifth-graders Paul Paterson and Joey Thomas set the Springfield Elementary School Field Day record with a distance of nearly seventy-five yards…


prom2016

Lucky Tuxedo Results in Hookups for Nine Consecutive Rentals this Prom Season

Springfield (June 3, 2016) – New York Yankee legend Joe DiMaggio is famous for his 56-game hitting streak.  Baltimore Orioles great Cal Ripken played in 2,632 straight baseball games.  But both of these accomplishments pale in comparison to the unbelievable hot streak for a rental tuxedo from Tux You of Springfield.  The gentlemen prom-goers renting the black Joseph Abboud Two-Button Super 130’s Peak Lapel Tuxedo, stock number JA-0801354, all hooked up with their dates on nine consecutive rentals, easily breaking…