Bloomington, IN (March 13, 2017) – Keith Hamilton’s life after graduating from Indiana University has not exactly lived up to his lofty expectations. Working several part-time jobs while crashing in his parents’ basement was not the life he envisioned nearly three years ago after graduating summa cum laude with a 3.96 GPA. Unfortunately for Hamilton, majoring in Bracketology did not provide him with many choices on the job front when he graduated nor has recent experience helped him secure a long-term career in his field of expertise.
Bracketology, the science of predicting which teams will be invited to the NCAA Division 1 Basketball Tournament, is a relatively new field of study at campuses across the country. Some of the classes students majoring in Bracketology are Regions of the United States, How to Determine an Automatic Bid, The Bubble and How to Get Off It, The Bubble and How to Stay on It, and Office Pools 101. Although several networks such as ESPN and CBS Sports have resident Bracketologists to help prognosticate the selections by the NCAA Committee, their predictions carry no more influence than that of a monkey throwing feces at a wall.
Hamilton thinks his prospects of finding work is picking up. Just last week as a favor to his father, he was hired to predict the seeds of the third grade girls rec basketball playoffs in his hometown of Framingham, Massachusetts. Getting paid $8 to seed four teams based on win percentage all with varying records proved to be more pressure than Hamilton was ready to handle. After seeding the first three teams correctly, Hamilton went out of the league to predict a bid to a fifth grade boys rec team from neighboring Natick. Needless to say, league officials were not pleased with their allocation of recreation funding but ultimately seeded the playoffs correctly.
“I screwed up. I get paid for my expertise and one of the things we learned is to take ownership of your mistakes. I’m just lucky that no one on earth gives a shit about my predictions,” lamented a dejected Hamilton. “The best thing to do is to get back to Bracketology so I’m going to predict the Women’s Division III tournament which is supposed to be out later this week.”
While most Bracketology majors aspire to be the next Joe Lunardi of ESPN fame, the odds of getting paid to predict a tournament field a month in advance are astronomical. Hamilton’s parents could not agree more.
“I thought he was a biology major but when I got a nice framed degree in the mail, I couldn’t believe Bill and I wasted nearly two-hundred grand on college,” a still steaming Dot Hamilton on behalf of she and her husband. “What the hell does Joe Lunardi do for the forty-eight weeks of the year, anyway?”