Community in Shock as 6th Grader Wears Down Jacket on Ten Degree Morning

Springfield (January 18, 2016) – In an unprecedented move by a seemingly “cool” kid, local middle-schooler Jeremy Whitman, 13, defied the masses by wearing a down jacket, wool hat and a pair of gloves to the bus stop on a frigidly cold ten degree morning. As he strode to the bus stop this morning, his peers and their parents sitting in their warm SUV’s could not believe their eyes: an adolescent boy using common sense in an attempt to stay warm on an arctic-esque day.

Upon entering the school, Whitman was greeted at his locker by a few of his buddies, still trying to thaw out from the walk from the bus into the school. “Hey, W-w-w-whitman, you w-w-w-w-uss, w-w-w-why are you w-w-w-wearing a j-j-jacket? You s-s-some kinda m-m-momma’s b-b-b-boy?” inquired friend Joe “Joey No Pants” D’Agastino, his lips blue, teeth uncontrollably chattering and nipples protruding through two layers of clothing. “W-why are m-my f-f-fingers t-t-tingling?” he added, not realizing that he was experiencing acute frostbite on all ten digits.

Several of Whitman’s classmates were confused by his choice of attire. Some had never seen a coat filled with down, goose feathers, or even cotton while others had heard about jackets from their parents but had never actually seen one for a middle-schooler up close. Since jacket manufacturers like Columbia and NorthFace seemingly have dropped their young adult sizes, parents of children who want to sacrifice being “cool” for being sensible have been forced to purchase used jackets on Craig’s List or eBay under the Retro Clothing subgroup. Additionally, while most of the boys owned a baseball glove, batting gloves or hockey gloves, not one had ever purchased an insulated pair that would keep his hands warm when facing the extreme cold.

A jacket similar to the one worn by Whitman.

A jacket similar to the one worn by Whitman.

Noted ex-Lehman Brothers head of Global Economic Strategy, Peter Williams III, theorizes that the lack of jackets worn by middle school and high school boys is dragging the US economy in ways never seen before. Because jackets are no longer needed, coat manufacturers have been forced to lay off factory workers, delivery personnel and front-office staff. The price of down and goose feathers has struggled on the commodities exchange, as well. But the most significant impact, claims, Williams III, is that oil and gas prices will continue to rise since an additional 700,000 barrels of oil are needed each day to fuel heated SUV rides from homes to bus stops and back twice a day. “It’s a vicious cycle which very well could lead to stagflation or even a prolonged recession,” warned Williams III.

As tri-captain of the C-level travel baseball team UP&UP (U Pay & U Play), Whitman always tries to set a good example for his teammates both on and off the field. By wearing a jacket on such a cold morning, Whitman hopes to inspire others to use basic common sense for all weather-related clothing decisions. “If it rains, I plan on wearing a waterproof jacket or slicker and will possibly carry an umbrella to stay dry. If it’s 90 out, no matter how ‘street’ it looks, I won’t wear a wool hat. Not passing out due to sun stroke is more important to me,” explained Whitman. “I never set out to be a hero or role model, but if one kid, just one, decides to wear a jacket to avoid hypothermia, frostbite, or just to be warm, then I’ll be happy.”

“I’m proud of Jeremy,” commented his mother, Shelia, 44. “Now if I can get him to stop wearing shorts every day…that would be something!”

36 Comments on "Community in Shock as 6th Grader Wears Down Jacket on Ten Degree Morning"

  1. THIS is my life.

  2. So informative! As a parent of two teens, I was unaware that jackets or “coats” as we called them in the 1700’s (when my kids believe I was born) even existed in youth sizes. Sadly though, if coats become trendy, I fear the hoodie market may collapse. (that’s a sweatshirt right? With a hood? Or, in 1981 speak, hooded sweatshirt. Smh!)

  3. Interesting!
    I thought only my son wouldn’t wear a jacket. Didn’t realize it’s the ‘cool’ thing to do. Can’t kids find other ‘cool’ stuff instead?

  4. Hysterical. Can’t wait to share this with my son! (11)

  5. You must know my son! Shoot, that pic of the example jacket looks exactly like the coat I bought him in October…that he has since worn only ONCE under duress, at a time when there were no friends around to witness the coat-wearing (whew!).

  6. Thank his awone understands and can write about it!! As a mother of 7 boys (all teens except for two 10 year olds) I deal with this all daily and the boys would rather get grounded from driving lessons even..rather than wear a coat! I cannot understand it! They won’t even wear a ‘carhart’ jacket!? What is wrong with kids today? I walked a half hour to school from kindergarten thru 8th grade and I was grateful for a coat & umbrella! Thank u so much!

  7. that’s crazy.kids here wear the shorts .they wear hoodies and coats.never seen kids ski in hoodies and shorts.wait till they get sick.

  8. My 17 yr old is the opposite . We live in South Texas where freezing temperatures are very odd. However , everyday no matter the outdoor temp. ( 60-90 F usually) , my son will be seen with either a common gray hoodie or a black denim jacket atop his usual school clothing . almost NEVER takes it off. He is by nature has little resistance to feeling cold ( to which I relate !!) We joke readily that we could never survive inanywhere but Texas !!

    • I hate to say this but do you ever see his arms? People that wear clothes that cover their skin even when it is warm are sometimes hiding needle marks. If that is not the case then maybe his thyroid is messed up. I truly hope he is just cold.

  9. Hilarious and SPOT ON!

  10. I didn’t realize this is the new norm. Our granddaughter is a single mother and limited funds. We had them for dinner a couple of weeks ago and her 9-year-old daughter was only wearing a fleece jacket that looked like it came from the thrift store over a sweatshirt when it was below freezing. Her brother and mother had nice jackets. We were going to get her a new jacket and I asked her mother the size. The great granddaughter has two new jackets in her closet, but won’t wear them. Go figure.

  11. For my teenage children the only ones on earth who aren’t as stupid as the ones portrayed in this article.

  12. This is the fault of parents. When we were young we didn’t get choices like whether to wear a jacket in freezing weather. The common sense needs to come from the parents.

  13. I believe this is actually just an urban legend. There is no photographic proof that said teenager actually wore a coat.

  14. Oh my goodness. I’m in tears over this. My teen son wears short sleeve shirts and shorts almost year round and we live in New England. The other day he did put on his winter coat and boots but went out to shovel the deck in his shorts. TEARS! This is AWESOME!!!!

  15. We live in Northern Indiana. It’s cold here in the winter. Really cold, an actual temp of -14 degrees last year which made the wind chill, or “feels like” temp. -30 degrees. Our 16 year old is a cool kid to be sure, but his basketball coach is the King of Cool and the entire Varsity team is REQUIRED to wear coats and hats to and from school, games and practices. No exceptions, no excuses. Everyone looks up to the players and seem to follow their example. When parents, teachers and coaches make and are allowed to enforce rules, miracles can happen!

  16. Well, I guess I will stop bugging my 12 year old to bundle up. We live in CALIFORNIA. And not a cold part of the state either. I grew up in MA though and boy do I remember cold mornings at the bus stop–but we wore snow pants and the whole get up.

  17. I understand this is satire, but it also quite true. I live in northern Minnesota where we are below zero for many days in January and February, with a lot of snow. I see the teenage boys across the street go to the bus stop in hoodies and stand there shivering. The girls are much smarter and have no trouble wearing jackets. What the heck is wrong with boys? I raised 2 boys and they always wore jackets, hats, and gloves, and they make sure their sons do too. It was a funny article, but sadly it is true. You wrote it so very well.

  18. my daughter scoffed when I put on gloves this morning and said I was ‘weak’. Meanwhile, you guessed it, she complained on the drive to school about long it takes the car to warm up. Hello?

  19. Very amusing, and so very true! I have often looked at the children going to my daughters school and wondered what their parents are thinking! Do they even know what long underwear or thermal underwear are?! My kids look like little Eskimos going to school! Thanks!

  20. It’s not just kids. My husband will not wear a coat to save his life. And, it’s shorts all year long. It makes no sense. I’m in a coat and he’s in shorts! And then he cranks up the heat so I’m sweating to death, and he starts complaining how cold it is. My response? The same as my mother’s when we were little…., “Then put some clothes on!”…ugh!!!
    I did learn from my teenage nieces and nephews that one reason they don’t wear coats to school is because they don’t have room in their lockers to put a heavy coat…just fyi ☺

  21. Thank you for bringing to light this very serious problem. Kids need to teach their parents common sense. Too many coats end up alone and fending for themselves in a horrifying place called “Lost and Found.” And those are the lucky ones. Some end up hanging out in playgrounds, malls, even (brace yourselves) in other people’s homes! We need to understand that our kids are trying to protect the investment we made for their well-being…by leaving their outerwear safely secure in the coat closet.
    Or under their bed.

  22. 10 degrees? Wearing a down jacket? Kid must’ve been sweltering. Oh . . . that’s 10F. Sorry, I’m from Canada. 10C is balmy in January.

  23. Bravo! This is so funny. My boys think a hoodie is all that is necessary in this frigid Boston weather. Look- I’ve decided to choose my battles and when I see them in public I just pretend I don’t know them.

  24. As the mother of two boys, this is the funniest thing I have read in a long time. Just what I needed today.

  25. Hmmmm….I thought this only happened in Southern California, where as we all know, it never gets below 68 degrees. I do happen to own a light down jacket out here in the land of the perpetual sunshine and on those days when words like “we’re starting out today in the mid- to high forties” are spoken in disbelieving tones by the forecasters, I actually pull it out and put it on when I leave in the morning. And then I see people (no satire here) beginning their day in shorts, flip-flops and T-shirts, presumably because they think the weather people have spent too much time on the tanning bed and it can’t possibly be chilly outside, and I start to second guess the wisdom of my down jacket purchase. Is it really cold enough for more than a light cardigan? Am I a warm-blooded California wimp? And then I realize that I’m quite comfy, thankyouverymuch and I really don’t care what you think of me as I watch your blue-lipped self pass my car as I sit in my jacket, as cozy as can be. So there then.

  26. I coach a youth basketball team in Maryland and I’m going to share this with my team and their parents. I actually make my players do push ups for every time I see them leaving after a game or practice without a wool hat. I gave up on the jacket and pants. With your help, maybe common sense will prevail in Annapolis once again!

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