Springfield (June 3, 2016) – New York Yankee legend Joe DiMaggio is famous for his 56-game hitting streak. Baltimore Orioles great Cal Ripken played in 2,632 straight baseball games. But both of these accomplishments pale in comparison to the unbelievable hot streak for a rental tuxedo from Tux You of Springfield. The gentlemen prom-goers renting the black Joseph Abboud Two-Button Super 130’s Peak Lapel Tuxedo, stock number JA-0801354, all hooked up with their dates on nine consecutive rentals, easily breaking the old record of seven in 1998. The streak sadly ended when Jake Berkley’s 100% guaranteed hookup vomited up her third helping of stuffed capon and was forced to leave the prom early.
Starting in early May and ending just a few days ago, this tuxedo has been worn by a vast array of high school juniors and seniors. Of the nine renters, four had steady girlfriends including Samantha “Sam” Winters who ruffled the feathers of more than a few members of the stuffy school administration by wearing a tuxedo instead of a traditional dress. Three of the boys went with girls they had casually fooled around with in the past while the remaining two took previously platonic friends.
Upon returning the tuxedo’s to Tux You, each young man and Ms. Winters gave owner Les Friedman the thumbs up for a mission accomplished. After word got out that the streak was up to five, several students requested the tuxedo even though the color scheme clashed with his or her prom date’s dress. “I was lucky enough to get the tux,” recalled Zack Willshire, 18, “so I was pretty confident that even though I wasn’t going with a girlfriend and our ensembles would clash horribly, I was going to at least get to second which I had done a few times before.”
The streak almost ended at the seventh rental where Springfield High Science Club treasurer Josh Peters attended with longtime friend Jen Kowalski. As the night wound down, Peters and Kowalski decided to get some much needed air after slow dancing to old school favorite R. Kelly’s “Bump ‘N Grind”. As they walked down the stairs, an overly-sweaty Peters lost his grip on the hand rail and accidentally used Kowalski’s left breast to stop himself from falling. After realizing what happened, the two sexually challenged seniors mutually decided it would count as a hookup since neither wished to go to college without any stories to tell their new classmates.
Not only was this tuxedo’s streak unprecedented but the overall hookup rate was much higher than the rate twenty years ago. “With the upswing in students being held back at the kindergarten level for athletic reasons, much of the senior class is older and more mature than before and more confident with their sexuality and decision making,” explained school psychologist, Dr. Nelson Hernandez. “That and I think Moose Kelly’s older brother got a few kegs for the after prom party at the Holiday Inn Express.”