Morristown, NJ (September 6, 2016) – Facebook news feeds were flooded today with millions of Back to School pictures featuring fashionably dressed girls and boys from Kindergarten to High School. While nearly all of the photos pictured smiling, happy faces, each child photographed was overcome with the impending doom of ten straight months of homework, overstuffed extra-curricular schedules, and pressure-packed standardized testing.
With carefree days at the beach and nights enjoying ice cream on the boardwalk now long in the rear view mirror, most if not all students were forced to take candid shots with siblings and/or neighbors on the driveway, at the bus stop, or most commonly, in front of a freshly painted front door. Additionally, the majority of the students were threatened by parents to “either smile or get your iPhone/Droid taken away for the rest of the week” while other parents swore to return their children’s brand new sneakers if a post-worthy picture was not achieved within three or four takes.
“After a hellish morning of fighting with my kids to get out of bed then prying their cold, dead hands from their bed posts, I was finally able to get them out of the house for a first day of school shot to use for the comparison picture versus the last day of school. I don’t think kids these days know how important it is to me to give people the perception that I’m an on-the-ball mom,” remarked Kelly White, 41, mother of Tyler, 14, and Jasmine, 11. “If they knew I’d be legally drunk by noon with a few of my friends, who knows what’d they’d think of me.”
Education experts and Facebook algorithms predict that school picture postings will decline by 99% tomorrow.