Springfield (February 24, 2016) – It was supposed to be one of the highlights of Spirit Week at Springfield Heights High School. Instead, the festive day was ruined by a student who misunderstood the meaning of Pajama Day. Moonlight Thomas, a transfer student from Berkeley, California, apparently did not realize that students were supposed to wear actual pajamas, not the exact outfit that they typically wear to bed every night.
Following Backwards Day and Favorite Sports Team Day, Pajama Day is an event that often finds seventeen and eighteen year-old girls wearing onesies with little to no makeup and their hair in pigtails. Some female students will come to school with flannels and slippers to show their school spirit. On the boys’ side, however, most can be seen in a sweatshirt, sweatpants, and Timberland work boots.
Relatively unknown before yesterday, Thomas has become the talk of Springfield the moment he removed his trench coat, placed it neatly in his locker, and proceeded to first period Advanced Calculus wearing only tube socks and high-top sneakers. As he strode into his seat in the middle of the class, the well-endowed senior drew gasps from female students as well as his teacher, Ms. Redmond. Word spread quickly through social media so Ms. Redmond was forced to escort Thomas to the principal’s office but not before parading him by a dozen female teachers waiting outside their classrooms to catch a glimpse of the young Adonis. While stopping to chat with each of the teachers, several asked Thomas to verify when he would be turning eighteen.
“Dude, I had no clue what I was doing would cause such a ruckus. Like, I sleep naked. It like totally frees my body. I figured a lot of dudes and chicks did, too. I thought there would be like a bunch of kids wearing only socks and sneakers,” commented Thomas. “Dude, I like guess I was like wrong.”
Upon entering the office of the school principal, Mrs. Patricia Patterson, he was greeted with a warm hug by Patterson as well as the remaining female staff who had not yet seen him in his “pajamas”. “Mr. Thomas, you need to think verrrry long and verrrry hard about what you did today,” Mrs. Patterson sternly warned Thomas as she drooled longingly at his groin. “Ms. Redmond should have brought you erectly to my office..I mean directly to my office so I could caress you myself…I mean undress you myself, JEEZ! Address you myself!! I have no choice but to give you in school suspension for the next week. You are to report to my office on Monday. If you want to wear what you’re wearing now, that’s fine. Whatever makes you comfortable. Actually, just wear what you’re wearing now, please,” Mrs. Patterson sheepishly finished.
After returning to his locker to retrieve his coat and belongings, Thomas’s phone revealed 325 Facebook Friend requests, thousands of Snapchats and more than a hundred text messages from both female students and teachers.
As a result of today’s events, tomorrow’s Toga Day and Friday’s Pimps and Hoes Day have both been canceled.