News October 9, 2015

Area Parents Actually Believe Tiny Chance Child May Not Get Athletic Scholarship

Saving for Son’s College Education Just in Case Springfield (May 1) – Area residents, Robert and Jennifer Matthews, parents of six year-old Andrew, have been saving money for Andrew’s college education for nearly three years, just on the very remote chance he does not earn a full athletic scholarship to the college of his choice. By contributing monthly and receiving a 25% match from his employer, PNC Bank, into a 529 Savings Plan, Robert and Jennifer are securing that their…

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News September 9, 2013

National Weather Service: Mysterious Sustained Wind Gust at 8:07 Determined to be Collective Sigh of Relief as Kids Return to School

Randolph, NJ (Sept 9) – On a gorgeous autumn-like morning, a powerful 65-mile per hour wind that blew through Randolph Township for nearly fifteen minutes was determined by the National Weather Service to be a collective sigh of relief from hundreds of area parents as children were boarding the bus for their first day of school.  No serious damage has been reported but several parents were out of breath and giddy with reclaimed freedom while others were already visibly drunk…

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News September 4, 2013

Area Mothers Get Their, um, Kids’ Teachers for Upcoming School Year

Randolph, NJ (Aug 25) – For the past 20 years, the Wednesday before Labor Day has been anticipated as much as any day of the calendar year.  It has become the unofficial beginning to the school year as local mothers camp out at their mailboxes awaiting the letter from the school district to inform them who they, I mean their kids, will have for the new school year. The frenzy that ensues is a maddening mix of hysteria and joy…