Lansing, MI (August 25, 2023) – Moments after departing Michigan State University’s Gilchrist Hall, 49 year-old Mindy Oliver let her social media following that not only did she leave her son there but also a piece of her heart.  Unfortunately for the New York-based mother, she did not realize that a human needs a heart in its entirety in order to live a long, healthy life.  As a result, Oliver was medevacked home and is currently on life support at…

Columbus, OH (August 22, 2023) – Only two hours after Cindy and John Browne left campus and proudly took to social media to showcase their beautiful daughter Jasmine on her perfectly set up bed this past Saturday, the 19 year-old Ohio State freshman stunner almost immediately took advantage of her newfound freedom by drunkenly hooking up with a random frat guy from Sigma Lambda Tau. The bed, which took Jasmine’s mother months of planning including meetings with interior decorators, dozens…

Bristol, CT (March 19, 2020) – A live feed of a second grade girls basketball game from Guam drew over 125 million viewers on ESPN2 last night easily surpassing Super Bowl XLIX  as the most watched television event of all time.  The game, a fill-in for the second round of the NCAA Basketball Tournament, canceled due to the Covid-19 outbreak, featured remote commentary from Dick Vitale and Jay Bilas, two of the network’s most prominent college basketball analysists.  In the…

Springfield (March 18, 2020) – The National Association of American Teachers (NAAT) is enjoying a huge “We told you so” as the nation’s parents are now realizing their school-aged children are, indeed, gigantic assholes incapable of taking simple educational instruction.  After only two and half days of home-based remote learning due to the COVID-19 pandemic, most adults have thrown up the white flag upon realizing there is no way to get through to the feeble little brains of their Satan-like…