3 Year-Old Child in 99th Percentile of Something or Other, Mother Brags

Springfield (November 4, 2015) – Local Mother, Shirley Robertson, 32, has been sporting an ear-to-ear grin on her face this week after determining her daughter, Olyvia, 3, is in the 99th percentile of something or other, she thinks. Small in stature and slightly underweight, Olyvia is among the 3 year-old elite when it comes to a statistic not yet determined by her mother nor the American Association of Pediatrics. But Shirley is positive her offspring ranks up there with the top children in the country.

While many parents in her Little Drummers music class have been known to boast about their child(ren)’s height, weight, or intellectual aptitude, Mrs. Robertson has had relatively little to brag about when it comes to her average to below average across the board child. But since discovering Olyvia’s unbelievable talent in something she can’t quite put her finger on, Shirley cannot stop telling people about it. It has made Shirley’s relationship with her daughter so much stronger on so many hard to put your finger on it levels.

“I think she may be in the 99th percentile for letter and number recognition in relation to body weight. I know most doctors and pediatricians don’t keep these types of statistics but if they did, my Livy would be off the charts,” a prideful Robertson commented. “She’s also probably in the top echelon when it comes to putting on socks. She’s been known to put on her socks all by herself on occasion, when she feels like it, sometimes,” she added, obviously grasping for straws.

Robertson states she will be on Cloud Nine until next week’s visit with Olyvia’s pediatrician, Dr. Mary Burke, where she will likely be told in layman’s terms that her kid is just like everyone else’s kid.