Australians to Americans: “Please Stop Contacting Us about Skin Care Products!”

Canberra, Australia (December 9, 2016) – Millions of Australian Facebook users have been bombarded by messages from Americans looking to expand their skin care product sales businesses and they are none too happy about it.  Instead of enjoying their summer Down Under by posting glamorous pictures on the white sandy beaches of Melbourne and the Gulf Coast, most Australians are being repeatedly by American businesswomen who know of someone that knows someone who may or may not have ever met someone who knows that person who went to high school with someone who possibly maybe knows of an Australian on Facebook.

Sydney-based, American-trained dentist John Kent has been contacted over three thousand times since a certain direct marketing skin care behemoth has announced plans to move into the Australian market.  “I honestly can’t get any work done. My phone hasn’t stopped dinging for the past three days.  I haven’t spoken to anyone from dental school in twenty years.  When my wife passed, not one person called me.  Now seems everyone and their mother wants me to sell skin care products for them,” complained Dr. Kent.

Australian Minister of International Trade and E-Commerce (ITEC), Miles Smith has been inundated with complaints about slow internet connectivity and network performance.  A host server in Perth blew up on Monday morning due to millions of messages from U.S. based IP addresses.  “We’ve never seen anything like this.  Has anyone in America ever seen the movie ‘Grease’?  Olivia Newton-John looks the same today as she did in 1978!  We don’t age so we don’t need your skin cream!!!”

However, several prominent Australian government officials are urging Australians to remain calm and patient with their American harassers.  Spokesperson Maggie Smith (no relation to Miles Smith) sympathized with both Americans and her country people.   “We forced the Wiggles down their throats so we owe them one or two. A couple of emails about skin cream is certainly payback for singing the lyrics to ‘Fruit Salad’ for six years.”