Topeka, KS (February 14, 2018) – It was a morning that Kenny Thompson, 26, thought would show his romantic side to his girlfriend of almost two years. He was hoping it would catapult his relationship with Courtney McDougal, 27, to the next level then eventually lead to engagement. But Thompson’s dreams were shattered after singing a heartfelt original song which included the word “Valentime’s” over a dozen times.
McDougal, who has long overlooked Thompson’s butchering of the English language due to his six-pack abs and rugged good looks, gave the dumpee a pitiful smile after he completed his song entitled “Every Time We Meet Feels Like Valentime’s”. The three-verse tune which rhymed “Valentime” with “time”, “our time”, and “this time”, broke nearly every rule of songwriting and rhyming schematics. Thompson’s pedestrian guitar work and sentimental, if not grammatically incorrect, lyrics went largely unnoticed by McDougal who just could not get past her former lover’s use of “Valentime’s”.
“Kenny’s a wonderful guy, honest to goodness,” explained McDougal, a middle school special education teacher, “and I thought last year he was just joking around when he kept calling it ‘Valentime’s Day’ so I let it go. But no matter how passionate and generous a lover he may be, my body actually convulses when he mispronounces words or uses them incorrectly. I should have dumped him last summer when we were at Chili’s and he ordered the ‘seizure salad’ then an ‘expresso’ with dessert”.
Chocolate covered strawberries purchased by Thompson that will in all likelihood be eaten alone.
After spending nearly three weeks writing and rehearsing his love ballad but forgoing the use of spellcheck on the rough draft, Thompson was left heartbroken. Unfortunately for the grammatically-challenged, overly romantic hunk, his fate was sealed once he belted out his second chorus of “Feels Like Valentime’s”. Additionally, Ms. McDougal believes that her now ex-boyfriend mistook her left eye twitching for a tear of joy which may have sent mixed messages as to her feelings.
“I don’t know what happened just now,” the confused, chisel-chinned Thompson wondered, “Supposebly I wasn’t the right man for Courtney. I really wish I would of known she was having doubts. Irregardless, she was still more then a great girlfriend to me and for all intensive purposes, I don’t regret the time we spent together.”
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