Freshman Daughter Poses on Meticulously-Adorned Dorm Bed For Parents’ Social Media Mere Hours before Banging Random Frat Guy

Columbus, OH (August 22, 2023) – Only two hours after Cindy and John Browne left campus and proudly took to social media to showcase their beautiful daughter Jasmine on her perfectly set up bed this past Saturday, the 19 year-old Ohio State freshman stunner almost immediately took advantage of her newfound freedom by drunkenly hooking up with a random frat guy from Sigma Lambda Tau. The bed, which took Jasmine’s mother months of planning including meetings with interior decorators, dozens of phone calls to her daughter’s roommate’s mom, and seemingly hundreds of purchases from and returns to Amazon, was reduced to a semi-damp pile of assorted fabrics at the foot of the bed frame.

The Brownes left campus after dropping their daughter off following one last dinner together at approximately 8:05 pm.  By several accounts, Jasmine was kicking her roommate out of the room at around 9:30 pm and smelled like a combination of Natural Light beer and Popov vodka. At that time, the bed was still perfectly in tact with her “J” and “B” pillows neatly placed in front of three scarlet and grey Ohio State throw pillows with her Pottery Barn 2,500 thread count bamboo sheets untouched.

Cindy was able to post on Facebook and Instagram while tagging John who was driving to make sure everyone in her social circles could see the gorgeously arranged dorm that Jasmine would be apparently using as her own personal sexual playground for the next two semesters.  The proud mother included hashtags #spreadyourwingsandfly, #mybabyisntababyanymore, and #gobucks, along with links to the sites where she purchased some of the more expensive bedding to humble brag about her family’s financial standing. 

“I really enjoyed the silkiness of the sheets and the blanket was really nice and breathable,” commented Sigma Lambda Tau sophomore Tim Wafford, who Jasmine referred to all night as “Tom”, “The entire bed really wicked away any sweat and bodily fluids which was a really classy touch.  She kicked me out around midnight but I’d definitely like to come back just to actually sleep here. I wonder what her dad does for a living.”

Roommate Jen Longnecker of Shaker Heights who met Browne through a mutual Facebook friend has been displaced from 10pm to well after midnight in three of the four nights and on the one night she faked already being asleep, had to endure a night of groans and moans from Browne and another suitor only four feet away. Longnecker is chalking it up as a life lesson. 

“Jasmine hasn’t washed her sheets in days and they still look great so I think it’s safe to say the bedding her father bought her has paid for itself already,” noted Longnecker.

As of press time there were over two dozen comments on Cindy and John’s post mentioning what a wonderful job they did with the bed and their daughter.  “We’re really proud of how both of them turned out,” Cindy remarked, “But based on a call from her roommate’s mom last night, I’m probably a little prouder of the bed.”