iSport360 to Fund Research of Delusional Sports-Parent Disorder

New Jersey’s leading satirical news publication covering K-12 Education and Youth Sports

Manalapan, NJ (May 25, 2016) – Only one in 1,000 youth athletes earn a sports scholarship to college yet one in two parents believes their child has scholarship potential.  This is an early symptom of Delusional Sports-Parent Disorder, also known as DSPD, a condition affecting nearly 90% of youth sports parents.  The Center For Disease Control is calling this a “Pandemic”.  iSport360 is planning to provide funding for research to cure this dreaded affliction.

With the cost of a college education skyrocketing, parents dream of their children getting an athletic scholarship despite their children having little to no athletic ability whatsoever.  All it takes is for a child to have one good game or even a single nice play for parents to absolutely lose their minds dreaming of the financial freedom a scholarship can offer.  Local parents Steve and Melissa Thompkins developed DSPD last year.  Their son, Spencer, plays in the U9 recreation soccer league and they truly believe their son has what it takes to excel at the college level despite Spencer having absolutely no aptitude for soccer and sports in general.  “When Spence isn’t picking the grass or doing log rolls on the sideline, he’s as good as any of the other kids out there,” explained a clearly delusion Mr. Thompkins, “He’s got these intangibles that make the kids around him look better, kinda like Michael Jordan. He just needs more playing time and some private lessons.”

When hearing of Steve’s assessment of Spencer, coach John Sunderland had an entirely different take.  “Sure he makes the kids around him look better because, compared to Spencer, everyone looks like a star.  But he’s a great kid, just not an athlete.  I hear he’s into art which is great.  Not everyone is an athlete.”  Coach Sunderland continued, “I use iSport360 in all the sports I coach to keep my team parents in touch with reality….it’s player assessment tool eliminates guesswork and uncomfortable parent conversations.  I just don’t think Spencer’s parents are actually hearing anything I am saying.”

While Spencer’s parents focus on his chances for an athletic scholarship, next Sunday a gala will be held in his honor at the Museum of Modern Art in New York City where nearly a dozen of his personal post-modern-impression paintings will be on display to the viewing public.

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If you are a youth sport parent or coach and you really do want to work together to improve your kids’ sports experience, please set objective goals and conduct fair player evaluations with our app at www.iSport360.com.