“Miss Moore is a Whore” Banned by Local Elementary School

Springfield (December 21, 2015) – After a six-hour marathon meeting of the Springfield Board of Education (SBOE), a decision has been made to remove the controversial “Miss Moore is a Whore” children’s book from the district’s school libraries. “Miss Moore” is just one book from the popular book series “My Zany School” by author Matt Jorgenson.

“Miss Moore is a Whore” is a delightfully wacky tale which centers on a new 23-year old surgically-enhanced single Language Arts teacher who sleeps around with a bevy of her co-workers, both married and unattached. Not limited to just men, Miss Moore has no issues with hooking up with women as well, especially when she gets a bit tipsy at afternoon all-staff meetings. These books describe all of Miss Moore’s many affairs in both simple erotic terms as well as graphic detail.

The book is written in a manner that allows dialogue between a child and parent and is formatted in the new Common Core curriculum with topic paragraphs, supporting text and thoughtful conclusions. For instance, in Chapter 3 where she seduces the veteran janitor, Mr. Daniels, behind a box of mop heads in the supply closet, her 36 DD breasts and spray on tan very plainly show an example of “cause and effect”. With basic comprehension skills, the reader realizes that the cause is Miss Moore’s cartoon-like bosom, while the effect is a surge of blood to Mr. Daniel’s genitals.

During the lengthy school board meeting, many parents, exclusively fathers actually, argued to keep the books in the schools due to the fact that it was one of a very few books they enjoyed reading with their children. “I don’t particularly love to read Harry Potter or some other crap that’s impossible for me to understand, but “Miss Moore” is a young reader’s book that both my son and I can thoroughly enjoy,” explained Joe Ratigliano, 37, father of a fourth grade boy, “The illustrations of Miss Moore really help to paint a picture of the crazy semi-nude hijinks she keeps getting involved in. I can’t wait to see who she’s gonna bang in next chapter. I hope it’s the well-endowed principal, Mr. Longwood.”

Although many fathers successfully argued that the “My Zany School” series is an excellent educational tool in dealing with infidelity and adultery, the SBOE believed that these books were not exactly suitable for elementary school students. “We had an issue with not only “Miss Moore” but also titles such as “Ms. Fine Loves Her Wine” and “Mrs. Rich is a Bitch (Every Four to Five Weeks Depending on Her Cycle)”, commented SBOE President Marty Goldberg. “I’m not sure who is benefitting from reading these but I can tell you there is a wait list three months long for these books.”

The one book that did pass the Board’s approval was “Mr. Weiner’s Weiner”, a playful story about Mr. Weiner’s daschund who enjoys sticking his nose the business of various cats on the neighborhood playground.